Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
