she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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