So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
