I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
