Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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