So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
