after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
