Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
