god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize