Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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