He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
