tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
