You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
