so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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