he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I still have a little drunk in my system
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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