he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
