Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
