ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
