1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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