honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
