i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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