im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
she pinky promised me she was 18
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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