The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
