Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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