fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Randomize
