bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
