I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
