we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
