My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You need a sexual gate keeper
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
