First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
