he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize