I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I know her cup size but not her name....
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
