Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
