I am puke
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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