There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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