if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
