its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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