My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
