Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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