What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
