I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
