Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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