You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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