lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Drunk walkin through police station. America
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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