I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
