I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I have fence marks all over my body
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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