u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
