easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize