awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
