I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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