so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
