Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
