had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
