did you get engaged???
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
