how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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