I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
