can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My penis needs a shock collar
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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