I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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