I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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