whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
