WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
