i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize