I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
