I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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