Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
