I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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