wrigley field is MILF paradise
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
