your parents love me but you hate me
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
